All the Rage

On my journey with  TMS, one of the most challenging aspects has been watching others suffering and knowing that if they only understood the science of TMS,  it could help them too. Watching people you love suffer and knowing that just a few incredibly simple, scientific facts, could remove their symptoms is torturous. I hope the contents of this blog do a little to change that, open minds and change opinions.

credit: cure-back-pain.org

credit: cure-back-pain.org

I fear that this sounds arrogant and dogmatic; but I’m not talking about belief, or religion, or even possibilities. I am talking about rock solid scientific facts, that people simply do not know exist. To me it seems akin to when people once thought the world was flat. Now, no one disputes that this planet is, in fact round. TMS is the same. Learning about it will change your life.

credit: beautifulurself

credit: beautifulurself

At the moment instead of accepting TMS as fact; people say ‘ah well that alternative-approach helped you, it wont help me’ etc. and whilst I fully appreciate that everyone is of course different, TMS treatment is not ‘an approach’. It is scientific fact. No one would call the penicillin break through an approach. It was a scientific breakthrough seen as a fact which saved lives. The TMS diagnosis is, to my mind, the same. Until the majority of humanity starts to see it as such, we are going to continue wasting time, money and energy on mis-guided attempts to manage pain. And the world will ultimately remain full of people in agony. The Science of TMS will put an end to the epidemic of chronic illness, if we let it.

With that in mind I have been incredibly excited to see a new documentary being made to bring worldwide attention to TMS; ‘All the Rage’ Ten years in the making, All the Rage began as a profile of  Dr. John E. Sarno, the Doctor who is credited with discovering TMS and it has expanded into an exploration of the connection between our emotions and our health. This film has the potential to shift the discussion about healthcare in a profoundly positive way. If you like this blog, would like to learn some simple science and potentially change your life, check out the All the Rage Kickstarter Campaign and help spread the knowledge!

by: Nattycakes

by: Nattycakes

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Learning your name

It has taken a long time to learn your name.

You stick in my throat and close up my airways,

You wake me at night, screeching through my veins,

You curl soft fingers into fists,

Pound the blood into my head so fast I can’t hear or think, feel or move,

You turn the world red and black and strike across my sky.

credit: baenk.com

credit: baenk.com

I met you first when I was so new and fresh I could hardly see

Which way was up and which was down I didn’t know

I knew you were wrong. Something not OK.

I knew you couldn’t be let out.

credit: James Hillman

credit: James Hillman

You scared me. I saw you spill over,

A broken plate, a slammed door,

Your forked tail whipping past, just out of sight,

I saw your shadow on the stairs,

At the foot of the bed and in the window.

credit: Hillary Luetkemeyer

credit: Hillary Luetkemeyer

Your artillery astounded me.

Shells and rockets, short and long range weapons,

Bombs and bangs. Knives and cut glass.

I built defences as best I could…

You always had more…

credit: Rea Karjalainen

credit: Rea Karjalainen

You came for me on high days and holidays

You came for me on memory-makers, remember-forevers and hold-in-hearters,

You clawed out my eyes and scorched my soul.

Your tears left acid on my cheeks

credit: Kelly Louise Judd

credit: Kelly Louise Judd

The plate you broke lodged in my throat for eternity

Every ragged breath a reminder of your victory

Porcelain crumbs and door splinters swept up by others,

Decorate my lungs,

A shattered butter-dish sits over my heart

And a bent doorknob’s burnt into my skin

credit: Susan Seddon-Boulet

credit: Susan Seddon-Boulet

I looked for you, I did.

Under rocks, with tooth and nail

I searched, in nooks and crannies

Till my sweat poured and blood flowed.

Till I looked in the eyes of Agony and finally, finally, I saw you.

credit: Fredrik Rättzén

credit: Fredrik Rättzén

You are Anger.

That is all. Now I know your name.

I’ve seen where you hide and what you do,

I know your secrets.

I know how you can split yourself into pieces buried so deep, no spade can reach you,

I know what can.

Now I know your name, I can look you in the face.

Now I know your name, I can begin again.

credit: Maria-Luise Bodirsky

credit: Maria-Luise Bodirsky

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Redefine Possible.

I’ve found it hard to start writing today. Procrastinating, avoiding… this blog has been such a source of comfort and support and today’s post feels a bit like a goodbye. It’s not, I’ll keep writing, but I’m getting further and further into the light…there is so much to see here that more often this blog is a treat, rather than a necessity for me now…

credit: David Butali on Flickr

credit: David Butali on Flickr

and breath and back up…this blog is basically a journal of my story so far. It does not tell it all, nothing can ever show all of something, but is a record of this time in my life… this post is a summary of where I came from and where I am now.

All my life I have been angry. Inexplicably furious, with my family, friends and most especially with myself. It tore through me, ripped at my heart and gauged out my eyes. Frustration is my best friend and constant companion. The world was confusing and scary. I saw things, I missed things, partial sentences a….the school……the ste….day…..away with the fa….what? WHAT WAS GOING ON?! I became the world’s best ‘Coper’ I hid my confusion, covered it up with lies, false smiles and forced concentration. I became so good at being un-confusable that even I stopped being able to tell it was a lie. I lied till I no longer knew my own truth.I held back as much anger as I could, often it boiled over leaving a trail of smashed plates and butter-dishes, dripping in shame and guilt. I sucked my thumb, I got blinding headaches and night-cramps. I curled up in bed and screamed silently into my pillow. I was fine. I was FURIOUS.

credit Mya

credit Mya

At 15years old, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Things made sense. I simply had to take my ‘coping strategies’ up a notch and I was fine. I was still furious. But fine. I changed schools several times. When I left school at 18yrs the first pains started. A ‘neck spasm’, back ache, a ‘bad-position’. Slowly these ‘pains’ became more frequent. At 22, I’d had to leave to university places due to epilepsy related events, the pain got worse. About once a month my back would ‘go’. I’d have to take a week out. I started seeing Doctors. A few years later I was involved in an employment discrimination case. My Epilepsy became MUCH worse. Six months after this my back pain became disabling and chronic. That was a year ago now. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t move. Scribbled on the top of a notebook dated 13/2/13 I wrote Please Please Please let me be able to hug my husband tonight…hugs where too painful… It is good to remember and write about this, it humbles me and reminds me of my strength. I started trawling the Doctors again. Drugs, epidural s and possible surgery where all on the cards. Slipped & herniated discs diagnosed. Endless physiotherapy giving only temporary relief. For months it continued. I was forced to leave a job I loved….days turned to weeks and weeks into months where I barely moved. Half my family live on the other side of the world in Colombia, a Dr told me long-haul flights where out of the question. I honestly thought I would never be able to visit them again.  I lost my trust in Doctors & surgeons. I started my own research….

FN

I found Liz Koch & Dr. Sarno, I learnt about TMS, I found Georgie Oldfield and slowly, very, very, exceptionally slowly I began to get better. It started with walking, just up stairs on my own to begin with. Standing in a shower on my own, doing the washing up, things I’d once taken fore-granted, chores became my daily achievements, my joy, my adrenaline-rushes. I started to learn about Mindfullness and Meditation and as I learnt I healed. I took less medication, for both pain and epilespy, I began to believe I could heal. I began to understand what living-in-gratitude really means. I started a gratitude-practice. I transformed my life, from the bottom up. I moved house, I changed my priorities and focused whole-heartedly on a holistic vision of what it means to be healthy in every aspect of my existence.

Credit: Monique Willemsen

Credit: Monique Willemsen

A year on from finding out about TMS and I have just returned from a trip to Colombia to see my family… This trip  involved, jet-lag, walking, carrying, hiking, immense heat, altitude, sitting down for long-haul flights, 24hour journeys, dubious foods, a language barrier and medicinal differences. It is one of the biggest achievements of my life.

It was not entirely pain free and as I type I have some sciatica, but I am working on it. I believe in my ability to heal now. I never thought I’d be one of those people on TMS forums posting success stories, but here it is! If you are reading this and have chronic pain, I want to say to you even when it seems impossible, even when you are TOLD it is impossible, it is not. I’m the proof. I’m grateful for the opportunity TMS has given me to learn about my body, for the chance I’ve had to change my life and I am confident I will continue with more health and happiness than ever before. Thank you for all your support. One Love.

Happy with my shell and my life!

Happy with my shell and my life!

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New Year Nos

The airwaves are flooded with people talking about their hangovers, about new year resolutions and what they’re going to DO this year MAN! Gym memberships, are, I guess, flying off the shelves and the whole world seems to be jogging, except for me, I’m typing and thinking… thinking the last month has been painful for me.

prob

credit: quotables.com

I have felt that pain physically, burning in my legs, my back, neck and skull. I have had blinding headaches and a myriad of weird and wonderful ailments. I have it now, but thanks to Dr. Sarno I now understand that pain is merely a symptom and in MY case pain is a symptom of TMS or stress illness. It is my bodies way of processing stress and avoiding emotions. It has been so much worse over the last few weeks, because simply, I have become a one-woman-YES-machine.

anger

Can you find THE PERFECT GIFTS? Yes, Can you cook? Yes, Can you bake? Yes, Can you clean? Yes, Can you look after our children? Yes, Can you dress up? Yes, Can you party harder? Yes, Can you decorate? Yes, Can you help us with this and that? Yes, Can you travel? Yes, Can you change your plans? Yes, Can you include us? Yes, Can you have us to stay? Yes, Can you book tickets? Yes, Can you check the bank accounts? Yes, Can you get to the post office? Yes, Can you do me a favour? Yes, Can you take the dog? Yes, Can you enjoy every minute? Yes, Can you smile constantly? Yes, Can you chat to strangers? Yes, Can you find a Doctor? Yes, Can you hold my hand, yes, Can you, can you, can you…yes,yes,yes…yes YES.

pleases

credit: tmswiki.org

When I look at it like that it is no wonder I am feeling, sore, bitter and angry. I hope that being mindful of this fact will help me to achieve my own, simple but essential New Years Resolution:

  • This Year I will say No more. I will understand that ‘No’ is a complete sentence and does not need justification or explanation.

No

By saying No more I will be more mindful of myself and my own needs. If we do not let our own light shine we cannot help others to light theirs. By saying NO, I am encouraging myself to know that I AM ENOUGH. I do not need to go out of my way to show my friends and family how awesome I am, I do not need to be afraid of abandonment if I stop bending over backwards to help them. Infact the opposite, if I give myself time and space, if I demonstrate my health, conviction and independence by saying NO, if I shine my light then they can shine theirs too and that is what I really want. I AM ENOUGH, I do not need to say YES to prove that fact. We are all ENOUGH.

nonono

credit: thedictionaryprojectblog.com

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