Dear Baby

DSC_1157

Dear Baby-bub,

In the last few days we’ve left our urban seaside town and followed the English coast south, through forests and fields, past ancient Stonehenge where our ancestors brought their babies to greet the rising sun. Through valleys and over rolling hills, till hedgerows rose on either side of us blocking towns from sight. We drove a well trodden route until we glimpsed a church spire, the sea glinting on the horizon and a red-earthen lane takes us past cattle and sheep to a stone house on a hill.
When your Papa and I get out of the car the air is sweet with cut hay and sea spray flying on the wind. Above us the local pair of Buzzards call to each other as if announcing our arrival on the hilltop and into the valley below. My heart rises to meet them. I am home. This is Devon. This is family. This is where I worked out so much of what life is. There is no where on earth I love quite so dearly or where the very soil seems to heal me so much. I hope you will love it too.
Returning here from the hustle of our town life, seeing people I’ve known all my life makes me nostalgic for my Devon childhood and I wonder what yours will be like. If it will be spent here like mine or elsewhere?

DSC_1156

Sandcastles, surf, sailing, muddy wellies, tea, slow buses, tractors, tents, toffee, crabs, seagulls, boats, wetsuits, life-jackets, tide pools, shrimps and mermaid tales. First jobs, first club, first friends, first broken hearts, first drunken nights and skinny dipping, first locked-in-up-all-night-sunrise-viewing, first love.

Glamour Granny

I wonder where all your firsts will be?

I hope that wherever your firsts take place. That they, like mine are full of more joy than sadness. That you have a sense of belonging and home. That when you look back and it’s your turn to have a babe you’ll be grateful for the hard times as well as the good and you’ll know wherever you are; You are loved and wanted. Always.

Keep growing bub

You are loved

Your Mumma

Pin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on Facebook

That which matters most

In the blink of an eye today I was bought back to reality. I am ashamed to admit that I have been so caught up in my own dramas and my own ‘journey’ that I have been struggling to see beyond it, try as I might. Today, I was reminded that the only thing, the ABSOLUTELY only thing which matters in my life; the people in it. Without them there is no point in anything, without them there is no point in working on my health & wellness as I’d have no-one to share it with. Sharing is, I think what human life is all about. Today, I have remembered that not money, employment, house, food, holidays or anything else are as important as family. Family are the blood in my veins and the air in my lungs. Family make my world spin. I am ashamed that I needed reminding of this and grateful for the opportunity to address it.

broken

Today I remember that danger is real, but fear is a choice. Today I’m collecting togther the wisdom of others to hold onto. Today I am grateful for all that I have, for the people who I have known and have shared life with me. I am grateful for all they have taught me and all that they have shown me. I remember everything. I notice everything- I love you- If I didn’t say it, it wasn’t because I didn’t feel it. I am sorry for my absence. I will say it more. I will be more present.

Today; I choose hope, I choose happiness, I choose ‘I can’, I choose to try and I choose to Live. Above all else I choose Love. Today I wish strength and courage to all. I have my challenges, but today I recognise yours too and I am with you in spirit, always and always. One Love.

Pin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on Facebook

Shoreline

There is salt in my hair and sand in my toes. This is how life is meant to be. Shorelines are magical places, for me. Where the land slips away into the endless blue, two worlds collide. Nothing sits still, the tides churn the sand and move the earth from under my toes, the earth shifts but holds fast, despite the waters endless advance. The wind is cold and sea clear, deep green, holding icy-promise. Clouds skudd across the windswept sky. Children play crickets barefoot on the beaches, squeeze out of wetsuits, rigging clinks against masts across the harbour, waves crash around me and I feel that finally I have come home.

Devon shore

Hightide sees the human population marroned at the back of the beach, sheltering up against green cliffs and covered dinghys, thermos flasks, picnic blankets, beach chairs, flip flops, life-jackets, wet suits, towels, hoodies, sunglasses. Tripping over dogs, anchors and chains, rubber-ducks nudge at my feet and over 30 familiar faces appear. Spanning generations, babies, children, teenagers, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends of many years. People I do not see often, perhaps not for years, yet I have shared in their lives on that small sliver of sand between land and sea, on the south coast of devon for as long as I can remember. We know each others stories, have shared joys and sadness, related, if not in blood, in sea-salt and beach-love. There is nowhere else on earth that I could step onto the shore and be greeted by so many hugs, cups of tea, towels and joy!

Smalls beach

A few months ago I wondered if I might ever be able to climb onto a boat again, now I think that nothing could ever stop me from returning to that stretch of sand ever again. There is so much I have achieved that I thought I genuinely might never. I hope that this blog will serve to remind me to enjoy every minute, every run, jump,walk swim, every step on lifes path. One Love.

grate

 

Pin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on Facebook

Path finding

A theme I have noticed recently emerging on this path I am treading is the idea of self belief, conviction and confidence. Without noticing it I embarked on this journey, naievely assuming  much of my life would remain the same. Most notably I expected my relationships to remain the same… the truth, I am discovering is quite different.

wisdom

I have been very blessed to come from a strong, connected, loving family. In my times of crisis, particularly health-crisis they have been my guiding compass my rock, my security and certainty. When I couldn’t face resaearching another Doctor, another hospital, they did it for me. When I felt something, anything, they have held my hand, supported and encouraged me.

Family support

Family support

I realise now many of the hardest decisions about my health, such as which drugs to take were ultimately joint decisions. Always taken with love and without patronisation but never soley mine. Now, (finally… at nearly 30 years old…!) the decisions I am having to make about my health are soley mine and not everyone believes/agrees/is interested in them and I have to LET THIS GO. This has been an exhausting realisation which I hope will become an empowering one.

Letting go

Letting go

Growing up in England, it is ingrained in (most of) us that it is not the done thing to talk about yourself and you CERTAINLY, NEVER praise yourself. You ask others about themselves, you praise them and you ask for their oppinions, that is what good-polite-british-kids do……… This is what I did/do. I realise that this has left me in the riddiculous position of needing to ‘check’ that what I am doing is OK? Now what I am doing is not OK with some but I believe in it. Therefore I am learning that instead of saying ‘I’m not too bad thank-you, today’s better, what lovely weather, anyway enough of me HOW ARE YOU?’ I am saying ‘ Today might not be good. But yesterday was GREAT, AMZING WONDERFUL. I AM A SUPER AWESOME WOMAN and if you don’t agree jog-on!’

SGP YES

I am learning to let-go of the need for approval. To stick my own head above the parapet. Look over, stand up shout ‘HELLO! This is me! I believe in stress-related chronic pain! I AM EPIC be my friend if you’d like but I don’t mind if you don’t’! Believe me this is a scary-ass thing to do and is changing everything in my life. Positively I hope. I have always been inspired by Mandela quoting Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I have stuck this quote by the front door of every place I’ve live over the last 10years, but until this journey I don’t think I’d fully understood it. Sometimes, letting our light shine means finding the courage to follow our own paths, even when those paths lead away from those we love. Just because you are on different paths doesn’t mean the love no longer exists it is just growing and changing just as the human body grows and changes daily. I am proud that I am learning to do this. I think that makes me pretty awesome and courageous. One Love path finders.

Path

Pin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on Facebook